How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand.

In many respects I have always felt like Maria.

Shuddup. I don't mean I want to be a girl. I mean, for most of my life I have felt like a round peg in a square hole.

It is never more evident than when I try to write an article about my opinion on just about anything. For example, I've been trying to write a blog about my opinion on climate change for months. It has gone through dozens of revisions and I'm just not happy with it.

What I'm starting to realize is that writing blogs about opinions is very hard, at least it is for me.

Problem #1 - my opinion on global warming, or any other subject for that matter, is a fluid thing; it keeps changing.

Problem #2 - opinions, by definition, are controversial. I've PO'd enough people in my life already, I'm not particularly fond of adding to the list.

Problem #3 - it takes a lot of words to formulate and defend an opinion. Blog entries seem like such small containers for such large objects.

So instead I'm just going to write down my thoughts and observations in manageable chunks. Points to ponder, if you will.

I'm just going to be like Maria. I'm just going to be me.

The great left shoe mystery

I've never said this to anyone before, but I have a problem with my left shoe. And it's been bothering me for years, maybe decades.

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to avoid getting scuff marks on the top front of my left shoe. I'll get a brand new pair of shoes and, in what seems likes minutes, I'll have a scuff or soil mark on the top front of my left shoe. It's not on the very front of my shoe like I'm stubbing my toe on things, it's higher, on the top front of the shoe.

Here, I'll go take a picture of my shoes right now. Guaranteed there's a scuff or a dust mark on my left shoe.



See I told you so. And as God is my witness, I did not set this picture up. I didn't have to. It's always there like a curse.

I never get marks on my right shoe. Not like this. Not ever.

Now, for many of you who know me and also ride motorcycles, solving this mystery seems like child's play. The scuff marks are from the gear shifter on the motorcycle. (You operate a motorcycle shifter with your left foot. You tuck your toe under the shifter and pull up to shift up and push down to shift down.) And for the longest time, I had assumed that was the cause. And, indeed, when you ride, you do get scuff marks on the top of your shoe, just exactly like the ones I get. I've had plenty of scuff marks from the shifter on my bike.

But I get these marks in the winter. Today is March 26th. I haven't been on my bike for months.

For a while I had this theory that I was tucking my left foot under the brake pedal of the car and getting the mark from the back of the brake pedal, but I've never caught myself doing that. I even tried putting my foot behind the brake pedal to see if it feels at all familiar. Nope. Nothing.

Now I know you are thinking I'm just a little touched. After dealing with this subtle little problem, you can bet your life I'm a little touched. In fact I'm starting to get a LOT touched.

Another theory I had was maybe it's the way I walk. Maybe when I walk my right foot somehow scuffs the top of my left foot. Well, I've never caught myself doing that either. (OK, fine, I tried that too. It also did not feel at all familiar.)

Most of the time it's not a big deal. A little dust or scuff on my left shoe . . . who cares. But lots of times I'll be going out somewhere special and I decide to polish my shoes. It never fails that when I get there I have to wipe off my left shoe.

Today, quite by accident, I caught myself doing something that causes the scuff marks! I'm so happy! I can now move on to bigger and better things!

Cheers.

P.S. You want to know what is causing my scuff marks? Post a freak'n comment and I'll tell you. I never get comments :(

Hands up, all those who hate barbershop music

I wouldn't say I hate barbershop music but it's just that it all seems to sound the same.

Then along comes the Cottontown Chorus from Great Britain. You might hate barbershop music but I challenge anyone who watches this to say they didn't enjoy this particular performance.

But you have to play fair. To take up my challenge you have to watch this to the end because it's a three song set and the last one is the best: 'Fat Bottomed Girls'.

Thanks to my friend, Doug Schmidt, for bringing these guys to my attention.

Here they are at the final concert of the 2009 European Barbershop Convention where they placed second. I'd like to hear who came in first . . .

So you think you're tuff . . .

Meet the water bear (or tardigrade for all you biologists out there).



Cuddily little fellow, isn't he? Water bears have 8 little legs and range in size from 0.1 mm to 1.5 mm.

But appearances can be deceiving. Water bears are perhaps the toughest creatures on the planet. Check out this entry from Wikipedia:

Tardigrades . . . are able to survive in extreme environments that would kill almost any other animal. Some can survive temperatures of -273°C, close to absolute zero, temperatures as high as 151 °C (303 °F), 1,000 times more radiation than other animals such as humans, almost a decade without water, and even the vacuum of space. In September 2007, tardigrades were taken into low Earth orbit on the FOTON-M3 mission and for 10 days were exposed to the vacuum (and extreme sterilizing UV radiation) of space. After they were returned to Earth, it was discovered that many of them survived and laid eggs that hatched normally, making these the only animals shown to be able to survive the vacuum of space.

So I was just thinking . . .

Suppose a few water bears are hang'n out having a few pints and one of them says, "hold my beer and watch this". What exactly would it take to impress the other water bears! Hitch a ride on the outside of the spaceshuttle for a week long rip into outer space? Nope, too easy. Never mind jumping into a frozen lake after being in a sauna like the Swedes. How about floating around in a pot of boiling water and then taking a swan dive into a vat of liquid nitrogen! Yawn, been there, done that.

I got it! What could be more excruciating than watching a weekend marathon of this:

Wanna make me cry?

Just play this . . .



It's my favourite song. Every time I hear it, I crash . . . hard. And Celine Dion probably sings it better than any other current singer (Kate Smith, of course, was the master).

And ya, I know, it's about the US but they don't actually say 'United States of America', they just say 'American', so I imagine this includes Canada. I don't think I'm the only Canadian who loves this song. Kate used to sing it before the start of Flyer home games. One night when the Flyers travelled to Montreal for a playoff game she went along and sang it in the Forum. The video is not very good but listen to that crowd, and when she sings, I'm a blubbering mess . . .



Here's another one - 'A Mighty Fortress is Our God'. Dumb hey?

The first time it messed me up was at Pastor Wayne Berg's funeral in Estevan. There had to be a hundred Pastors there; all sitting together. When the song began, they all stood up en masse with the rest of the congregation and belted it out. It was powerful. It had the sound of a huge male voice choir singing in unison. (Male voice choirs are the best, sorry ladies, and unision singing is the most powerful of all.) I was a wreck. It brought back memories of my Dad's funeral.

You see, when a Pastor dies, pretty much all the Pastors he ever knew, and a few more for good measure, come to pay their last respects. It's just something they do.

I don't even try to sing this song in church. I just listen . . .



I'll wrap this post up with one final song that got the tears streaming; Nikki Yanofsky's rendition of our national anthem at the 2010 Olympic opening ceremonies. Would I prefer this version all the time? Nope. But Nikki is a jazz singer so the Olympic committee, I think wisely, turned her loose and let her fly. And did she ever fly. Go, Nikki, Go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oc1_vfBfLxI